Crazy Adventures in Finding Love

Today’s post was inspired by the fact that I have a huge pile of dirty dishes sitting in the sink - and I do not want to do them!  I get so tired of doing the same jobs over and over again - it never ends!!!

So here are some of my favorite quotes about housework…

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen?  Three.  It takes one to say, “What light?” and two more to say, “I didn’t turn it on.”   – Erma Bombeck

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?  Rename the folder…  ’Instruction manuals’.

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,  it’s because I have better things to do with my time.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.  – Erma Bombeck

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.  ~Phyllis Diller

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”   Joan Rivers.

And, over the last thirty years we have seen men’s participation in both housework and childcare has increased and women’s have stayed at about the same.  - James Levine

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?  - Erma Bombeck

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn’t done it.  - Evan Esar

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.

Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.  - Anne Gibbons

I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house.   - Zsa Zsa Gabor

They’re sure housework won’t kill you, but why take the risk?

Friday night I ran to the airport to pick up RC.  He had flown up from AZ to see me for the weekend.

On the way to my car, we got distracted for a minute (okay he kissed me) and we dropped his suitcase…  and it bounced all the way back down the escalator behind us.

We seriously could have killed someone, we were so lucky there wasn’t a little old grandma or a small child coming up behind us!   But this meant that we now had to run down the “up” escalator to grab it.

That was exciting!

It’s tricky taking a rolling suitcase up those things!

Once we got out of the airport, RC asked me if we had a Ruth Chris Steakhouse here in Salt Lake cause he wanted to take me to dinner.  I said no, since I have never seen one.  Then on our way to another restaurant for dinner we were shocked to pass a Ruth Chris Steakhouse!

So we changed our plans and pulled in.  Then we realized we had to go back and pay to park the car, by slipping money through a little slot on a box.  Finally we walked to the door of Ruth Chris - only to find out that it’s under construction and not open yet.

Seriously?

At that point we were parked, so we decided to walk a few blocks to Benihana instead. We had a great dinner watching a japanese guy juggle knives and throw food around.  I really wanted to try it - but considering my track record on dates - RC wouldn’t let me.   I was dangerous enough just eating with chopsticks.

Then we ran over to Gateway and saw the movie “Date Night” -  It was great seeing a date that went even worse than most of mine!  I loved it!

Everyone else in town was going to Ironman 2 Friday night, so we even got my favorite seats behind the handicapped section where you can put your feet up.  Yeah!!!

I also taught RC how to eat popcorn the right way - by picking out the puffiest ones first.

Apparently I may be slightly OCD.

My obsession with puffy popcorn, keeping the bar stools in my kitchen pushed in at all times and needing to have one raisin, one almond, one peanut and one M&M in each bite of trail mix is a little over the top - I know!  I seriously cannot walk through the kitchen without straightening the chairs.

But for some reason RC finds my craziness attractive - go figure!

Saturday the brave guy decided to take me to play racquet ball.  Tammy’s comment was “Dude, are you sure about this?”

“You really want to be locked in a small room with Kim swinging a racquet and high speed ball at you?”

“Have you read the blog at all?”

“She almost kills people playing pool!”

But it turned out just fine…  because I can’t hit the dang ball anyway.

I swung a lot, but so rarely connected with the ball, he wasn’t in much danger.

He had also tied the racquet to my arm so I couldn’t accidentally throw it at him.  (What’s up with that?)

He did get hit in the head once, but it wasn’t my fault - he did it himself.

Ha Ha

Though he claims, playing racquetball, pool or any other sport with me - actually makes him worse at it!

Like my lack of skill is contagious!  Is that possible?

Later on Saturday, he offered to put on his handyman hat and fix a bunch of stuff around my house - apparently my single mom home repair projects are a little scary.  So we got out my new little tool kit… (Yes, I have quit using a butter knife and a shoe as my tools) and I now own a hammer and a bunch of other stuff!

He fixed my printer, two TV’s cable boxes, reattached the rain gutter that was hanging off the back of the house and installed a new shower head.

Can I tell you how great it is to have a guy around the house on occasion!

I decided to help him by doing the nurse thing - So I handed him (the doctor) the tools whenever he needed them as he operated on my house.

Half way through I said, “Randy, I really appreciate you doing all this but…  don’t tell anyone that we played doctor in my shower, okay.”    That cracked him up!

Now I can shower without bruising, print on my wireless printer from anywhere in the house and it no longer shorts out a couple times a day and my house doesn’t look like it’s falling apart out back!  Yeah!

That was a really awesome Mother’s Day!  (Thanks for the beautiful flowers too RC!)

Saturday night was Tammy’s Birthday Dinner so we met our friends at Rio Grande for dinner.  Did you know they have a giant life size lady in a taco there? - I think it might be a pinata.  It was a great meal and hilarious company!

We laughed our heads off reading Tam’s birthday present from Trish - a new Porn for Women book.   Don’t worry it wasn’t really porn.  It was just pages of handsome men saying things like…  ”Honey you were right, I was wrong!”  Or “Sweetie just buy both purses - you deserve them both.”

All the things that turn women on!

The night ended with dancing at Habits.  For those of you who missed it… our favorite dancer was in top form Saturday with her swimsuit bottoms, gloves and a feather head dress on.  There was also some mexican guy who had some pretty amazing but slightly scary dance moves.   (And Brad M. you are seriously hilarious when you get loosened up - that was a riot.)

RC you have the moves!  Every girl in the place was so jealous of me all  night!

All in all - it was a fantastic weekend!

I just wish the nicest sexiest men didn’t live so far away!

I miss ya already!

A Mother’s Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do, by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
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My aunt Karen is the mother of two high-spirited young girls. When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other.

“Could you hold on for a moment?” my aunt finally asked, putting down the phone.

Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence.

Then, “Okay, I’m back.”

“But it’s so quiet!”  I exclaimed. “You must have complete control over those two.”

“Not really,” my aunt confessed wearily.

“I’m in the closet.”

– Contributed by Steve Brundage

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I usually lock myself in the bathroom!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Yesterday was a terribly uneventful Cinco de Mayo.

Though I did have a very nice lunch with SS.  (It was a blast!  We gotta talk some more!)

But this whole Cinco de Mayo holiday is a little weird for me now because for the last three years it was such a big deal - being that I was married to a mexican!  I still have a lot of mexican culture in my home, I love speaking spanish, I think it will always be part of me, even though the marriage didn’t work out.

I had a great time posting my Cinco de Mayo jokes on Facebook, throughout the day yesterday though, so I decided to post them and a few more on the blog so you could read them too.

If you are hispanic, please do not take offense - I have so much love in my heart for Mexican culture and mexican people because of my ex and my 140 kids in Mazatlan.  That these are posted with love - ok!

This is my all time favorite Mexican joke…

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow.  Now use them in a sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says…

“Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?”

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What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower?
Promoted
What is a Mexican ‘s favorite book store –
Borders
What do you call one Mexican on the moon?
A problem
What do you call two mexicans on the moon?
A bigger problem
What do you call all the mexicans on the moon?
Problem solved
What’s a mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross country
Why can’t mexicans play Uno?
Because they always steal the green cards
Why can’t mexicans be fireman?
They can’t tell the difference between jose and hose b
What do you call mexican basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Cuatro Cinco
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US!

For some reason when I got married three years ago I stopped ice dancing, even though it was something I really loved to do.  I didn’t plan to quit.  I just got busy with life and stopped making “me time” on the ice happen.  All of a sudden I realized it had been almost three years since I’d set foot on an ice rink.

Before my wedding I was skating at least once a week and having lessons twice a month.  Then I got busy with planning the wedding and my sister Holly (who was doing lessons with me) moved away… and I just stopped.

Ever since my ex left - I have been thinking about going again.

I knew that some time on the ice would help heal my soul.  Everyday at the gym, for months, I have been doing exercises specifically to get my core, gluts and quads in shape - so I’d be ready to skate - but week after week went by and I did not go.

Yesterday I was at my desk working, when a client called to cancel her appointment.   I headed to my room thinking I’d throw on some workout clothes and head to the gym.  Then for some reason I thought, “I ought to go skate!  That would be a workout!”  I called the Rec Center to find out when an open skating session was… and it had just started!

I grabbed my skate bag and ran out the door.   Once I got there, it took a minute to remember my system for putting my skates on.  It is more complicated than you’d think.   I have to put on thin socks, rubber ankle protectors, skate covers, then my skates, then fold the skate covers down over the skates.  Then I made sure I had my iphone ready to go (because I can’t skate without music) and then my gloves.

Finally I was ready!

I headed to the ice.  There were about 6 other skaters out there practicing their routines.  I was so excited.

I took a big gliding step out onto the ice… and fell flat on my butt.

I think I screamed too because everyone looked at me!

(You knew this was coming huh!)

I wasn’t embarassed because I fell…

I was embarrassed because I forgot the most basic thing ever…

… to take the blade protectors off!

It’s been a while - that’s my excuse.

I brushed myself off and tried that again.  This time I glided out onto the ice with grace!

It felt a little awkward at first, but a couple times stroking around the rink and practicing cross-overs and it started coming back.  I even remembered how to spin.  Not any great olympic figure skating move - but a simple spin and it was a blast!

I LOVE to spin!  Does that surprise anyone?

My other ice dancing moves started coming back too, but so did the pain in my feet, which I had also forgotten.  I skated about 30 minutes until the pain was so bad - I had to take the skates off and rest my feet.  I did this about four times.  I’d skate until I was in tears with pain and take them off for a while.

While hanging in the lobby resting my footsies - guess who I ran into?

The ice dancing coach!  So I got the chance to talk to him about signing up again.

I just have to do it!   I will just start with one lesson a month - just to give me things to practice.   I’m going to try to remember the first three dances and then start working on passing off the second level. Yeah!

This was a poignant moment for me today.  I realized how important it is that you don’t lose yourself when you’re in a relationship.  You must keep doing the things you love to do.  You must find things that nuture your soul and make time to do them.  This time around I am going to make sure that I take care of me.

I am also going to remember to take the blade covers off - from now on!

Now I must state for the benefit of my frient Rob M. who said that, “Any activity, with a move called a twizzle, doesn’t count as a sport!”  - that ice dancing is an extremely athletic sport and more difficult than you can imagine!

It takes tremendous effort and some serious core and glut muscles!

My ex used to say that all ice skaters had amazing bubble butts, something that he quite liked by the way.  Apparently a really tight bubble butt is an ASSet.  Ha Ha!

I guess it’s true since mine got grabbed at the dance last week.

But don’t even think about it this weekend guys because this ice skater has a date!

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I asked a fellow skater to take my picture yesterday.  (Since I’m now one of those “picture crazy” single people who has to take pictures of everything I do for facebook!)

The comment I got on facebook about the photo cracked me up…

“OK, So the thing that blows my mind is when you try and step over a threshold on a big boat you end up face first on to the deck with all your belongings spred all over like a yard sale and when operating a treadmill at the gym you end up getting launched off the back with your iphone following right behind you and yet you are able to gracfully DANCE on ice!!!!  One of the sliperiest surfaces on the earth!!  Please help me understand how this is possible.  You do look like you know what your doing out there, i’m very impressed”.  ;-)

A little known fact….

The first testicular protection guard, or “Cup”, was used in Hockey in 1874…

The first helmet was used in hockey in 1974.

Which means it only took 100 years, for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies…..Quit Laughing.

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Tip from Coach Kim:

If you are running on the treadmill at the gym, swinging your arms as you run, and you accidently catch your iphone headset cord, which pulls your iphone off it’s rest, and causes it to fall onto the treadmill…

Do not stop running and lean down to pick it up!

If you do… (because you are focused on saving your iphone)… you and the iphone will be swept off the treadmill, onto the floor with a humiliating thump!

Just, so you know.

I think Santa Claus is a Woman -

by Monica Lewis (originally published in the Erie Times News)

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.

Think about it.

Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal and I have a tough time believing a guy could  possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve.  Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves.  On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if Santa were a man, everyone in the universe would wake on Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.  First, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended.  Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.  Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds — and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:

• A man can’t pack a bag.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened…having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don’t answer their mail.
• A man would refuse to allow his physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
• Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
• Having to do the “Ho Ho Ho” thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men …

• Father Time shows up once a year, unshaven and looking ominous.  Definite guy.
• Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
• Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.  But not St. Nick.  Not a chance.

Tammy and I had a crazy Friday Night…

We made some new friends down at Redrock because the people we were meeting there were an hour late.  Our new friends John and Kevin were from, like Minnesota, aye.  Some of the nicest people on earth, you know!  (Yes I’m trying to write with their cute accent but it doesn’t work online the way it sounds in my head - oh well.)

They asked me all about being a life coach, and in the end declared that life coaching was right up there with road maintenance workers, as the most important jobs in the country.  They explained that road workers were the backbone of our entire civilization and are terribly under-appreciated.   I agreed!

Then Tam got molested all through dinner by a very arrogant guy.  Men, let us explain this again, when you ask girls disrespectful questions it doesn’t impress them!  Especially when you don’t show any interest in who she is - you only want to get hinky with her.

How many times do we have to say “If your looking for a booty call - we are NOT your girls!”

I very rarely say anything negative about anyone and I never mention names.  But in this case, if you/he reads this I hope that he will hear us - being crude and disrespectful just isn’t attractive sweetie.  Maybe there are some girls who like it - but these two don’t.

After dinner we headed out to Salt Air.  I was driving Tam’s car which already felt awkward (you know how that is, driving a car you’re not used to?)  I got on I-15 headed North - then realized that I missed the connection with I-80 west, so we had to do our first U turn of the night to go back south again.  Once on I-80 we plugged Salt Air into the GPS on my iphone and started following what it said.

It told us to get off on 7200 west and turn right.  This put us on deserted road that was practically a dirt road.  There were no others cars around and it was awfully spooky in the dark.  Tam was watching that the blue dot (us) - was on the purple track which meant we were going the right way though.

She had one very blonde moment when she asked me, “How does the GPS track us when we aren’t even in your car?

(Sweetie - keep dying your hair blonde!)

She immediately realized that it tracks the phone not the car and laughed her head off!

We missed the spot where the GPS said to turn because it was a totally dirt road!  That couldn’t be right!

But we figured the GPS must know what it’s doing so we made another U-turn and went back. We then turned left on the dirt road only to find a gate across the road - a dead end.  Now you gotta understand - we are in the middle of nowhere.  We haven’t seen another car in a while - it’s dark - and creepy.  It looks like a horror movie set outside.  No one is around!  It looks like the perfect movie setting where two stupid women get chased through a dark field and murdered.

Now what?

We decided, looking at the little map on my iphone, that we might be able to get there if we went back the way we came - so we started back east again.

Then we pasted two cars going the other way.  I said, “Wait, let’s follow those cars, maybe they know where they are going.

So I flipped the fourth U turn of the night.  Tammy likes to keep track of our U turns (it’s a good barometer of how lost we are!)

The problem with these U turns was that this road, out in the middle of nowhere, was very narrow.  So each of these turns took some dancing back and forth.  By the time we got turned around, those two cars, we were going to follow, were long gone.

But we headed west yet again.  After a while we saw a dark pickup truck pulled over on the side of the dark road and a man was standing there.  Tam wanted me to stop and ask him for directions.

I was pretty sure he was going to be the one to murder us.   I didn’t want to stop!

But Tam insisted and we pulled over.  (This is the type of thing, stupid women in horror movies do, that drives me crazy!)

I locked the doors - she rolled down her window and called out to him.

I honestly expected him to come at us with a butcher knife.

Tam asked him where Salt Air was.  He told us to keep going straight west and we’d see it on the right.

She quickly rolled the window back up - and I tore out of there.

But as we kept going straight we couldn’t see any sign of life anywhere.

I was sure that the murderer was sending us right into his trap.

(Our imaginations had run away with us a little!)

But it was creepy out there.

Pretty soon, we could see I-80 again on our left and we noticed that there was an exit for Salt Air - which would have been the right way to get there.  Thanks a lot iphone GPS!  Geez!

When we arrived, paid to park (which we thought was a little much) and headed inside we were relieved to see Ally, Rob and the Brad’s! Sometimes a familiar face is so awesome!  We had fun hanging out with Brock, Kevin, Joey, Tera, Cleon, Bill, Jody and all the new people we met. (Which is still my favorite part of being single.)  I also appreciated the kind words about my writing here on the blog - so glad that I can make you all laugh!

At one point Tam realized that she had 4 ex-boyfriends in the room which was a little weird - except that she is friends now with all of them which is pretty cool!

Someone, who will remain nameless, grabbed my butt on the dance floor and scared me to death!  Very Funny K!

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :-) Ha Ha

But you better not try that next weekend!

Today is another milestone.  It has been 150 days since I started this adventure!

At moments like this…  I like to reflect on the journey and what I have learned.

So today’s post is my own reflections on the adventure and what I am figuring out.

Basically this is what I’ve learned so far:

1. I have no idea what men are thinking.

2. I have no idea how or if, men think at all.

3. For example… If you like a man and he thinks you like him, he probably won’t like you - because you like him.

4. If he doesn’t like you anymore, so you decide you don’t like him either, he’ll change his mind and like you again.

5.  A guy will like you more, if you don’t like him or like him less.

None of this makes sense but it is totally consistent.

6. The dang Rules work.

7. It is seriously difficult to follow The Rules!

8. The more you like a guy, the more difficult it becomes to follow The Rules.

9. If you don’t like a guy, following The Rules is easy.

10. The problem is  this will only make the guy you don’t like,  like you even more.

None of this makes sense but it is totally consistent.

11. The Rules say that you must never never chase a man.  You must let the men chase you.

12. The really good looking guys have girls (who don’t follow The Rules) chasing them all the time though… SO they don’t have to chase girls!

13. This means that if you follow The Rules and wait for a good looking guy to chase you… you may be waiting a LONG time.

Maybe forever!

14. In the end, the good looking guys get tired of the girl who chased them.

15. But there are plenty of other girls chasing them, so they just move on to another one.

16. These guys are having so much fun being chased, they aren’t looking for a Rules girl.

Again… it sucks, but it is totally consistent.

17. Some of the really good looking guys are not nice.

18. They don’t have to be… the (non Rules) girls will chase them whether they are nice or not.

19. There are a lot of nice and good looking guys out there though.

20. But there are at least 5 times as many nice single girls as there are nice single guys.

21. So even if you find one, the competition for his attention will be so fierce that unless you look like Jennifer Aniston you don’t have a chance anyway.

It’s just the reality of the situation.

Another thing I have learned recently is…

21. You should not go to singles activities trying to find someone to date.

22. You should not go to singles dances expecting to meet someone to date.

23. The only reason you should go to anything is hang out with friends.  No one is looking to date you!

24. If you have any expectations of dating any of these people - let them go now.

25. Just have fun hanging with your friends.

26. You may be doing it for a long long long time!

None of this makes sense again but it is totally consistent.

27. Many of the “good Mormon” nice men are very sexually repressed and horny as all get out!

28. Even though they should be the “good” ones, you often have to beat them off with a stick.

29. “Bad boy or non-Mormon” men are not as desperate for physical attention (since they get it more often) and often treat you with more respect.

30. All men pretty much have one thing in mind though.

Again, this is pretty darn consistent.

31. So get used to it and figure out what your rules and boundaries are!

32. Stick to your rules and boundaries.

33. Men will inevitably try to get past your rules and boundaries.

34. But since most of them never date - and you hardly ever date - it’s not that big of a problem.

More lessons I’ve learned…

35. The nicest men live far far away from you.

36. It doesn’t matter where you live - the men in other states will always be nicer to you than the ones in your state.

37. Even if you have a friend in that state, the men there, will be nicer to you, than they are to her.

38. The men in your state don’t want to date you because it would mess up the friendships.

39. The men in other states can’t date you because you live too far away.

40. Basically if you were hoping to date - get over it!

Again - this is just the reality of our situation!

41. Anything you say, can and will be used against you and will probably end up on facebook.

42. The picture happy single people are going to take photos of you 24/7.  They are going to photo you while your eating, while your not looking and when your face is contorted in very unflattering expressions.  These photos are going to end up on facebook too.

43. Anything you do, that could be twisted into meaning something you didn’t mean, will probably end up on facebook.

44. If you are invited to events on facebook and you say you’re attending… others will base their decision to attend on whether you’re cool enough.

45.  Photos from that event, of you looking totally uncool, will be posted on 50 different pages on facebook - so give up trying to impress anyone because you can’t.  If you have an embarrassing moment with single people in the room - it will end up all over facebook!

46. Single people spend way too much time on facebook!

None of this makes sense again but it is totally consistent across the board.

47. There is no better way in the world to make new friends than to be FUN and single.

48. The friends you make being FUN and single - will be some of the best friends on earth!  You will have days you LOVE being single!

49. Then you will have days that being single, will make you want to die.

50. Your amazing FUN single friends will get you through those bad days!

That, in a nut shell, is what I have learned so far.  Tonight we are going out with some new friends and will hopefully have some great stories tomorrow!  Or we will have learned more valuable lessons.